Hindu Marriage - Promises, Duties, Responsibilities

“Yatra nariyastu poojayante ramante tatr devah” (Manu Smriti : Chapter 3, verse 56) – Gods dwell where woman is worshiped. Here Worshiped means – respected, paid gratitude, adored, loved and cared. Vedic philosophy believes in the Ardha-Nar-Ishwara (Ardha – Half, Nari – female, Ishwar- God), the Godly Other Half of the Man. This concept believes that a wife is that person a man weds, with whom he entrusts his life and soul. She is his counterpart in every walk of his life whether spiritual or worldly.

Vedas requires married men to perform religious rites, ceremonies or sacrifices only with his wife. Here the wife being the Sahadharmacharini – the Spiritual Helpmate. In the absence of Sita during the Ashwamedha Yagya, Lord Rama had to construct a life like gold sculpture of Sita in order to perform the rites. This simply demonstrates how inseparable a man and woman truly is.

A wife in Vedas have several names such as Ardhangini “the other half”, Samrajani “Queen of the Household”, Sahadharmini – spiritual helpmate, to mention few. This is to point out the importance of the joint effort of a husband and wife in order to raise a good family, a good society and a good life. Two thousand years ago Saint Tiruvalluvar observed: "What does a man lack if his wife is worthy? And what does he possess if she is lacking worth?" There are fundamental responsibilities for a husband and wife towards each other. Respect, Trust, Commitment, Love; all of them are the outgrowth of fulfilling the responsibilities and duties of your part of the equation. No wife will respect a husband if he if he does not do his duties properly or if he waivers from his responsible path, and this applies vice-versa. This is the reason Hindu marriages carry long wedding ceremonies where vows are taken to remind the bride and the groom of their respective duties and responsibilities.

The Vedic Marriage Rituals (Source: vedicmarriage.org)

Vows taken in Hindu marriages contain brilliant alliteration of the duties and responsibilities of the husband and wife. The bride is invited into the family 'as a river enters the sea' and 'to rule there along with her husband, as a queen, over the other members of the family. (Source: Atharva Veda xiv. i. 43-44).

"The wife and husband, being the equal halves of one substance, are equal in every respect; therefore both should join and take equal parts in all work, religious and secular." Rig Veda (Book 5, hymn 61. verse 8).

Shilarohana - at the end of each round of nuptial fire, both the bride and the groom step on a stone and offer a prayer for their mutual love to be firm and steadfast like the stone.

Come, step on the stone; be strong like a stone,
Resist enemies, overcome those who attack you.

After this, the bridegroom pours some parched rice into the bride’s joined palms and says,

This grain I spill,
May it bring well-being to me,
And unite you to me.
May Agni hear us.

Agni is not only the witness but also a protector. After the bridegroom finishes saying those words, the bride pours the grain into the fire – perhaps, this is symbolic of conveying the appeal to Agni. The groom then continues:

This woman, scattering grain into the fire, prays:
Blessings on my husband.
May my relatives prosper.

After this, the famous ritual of the seven steps, Satapadi, during which the bride takes step after step, while groom says:

As per the Vedic rituals, the bridegroom sings the following :

With God as our guide, let us take:

The first step to nourish each other

The second step to grow together in strength

The third step to preserve our wealth

The fourth step to share our joys and sorrows

The fifth step to care for our children

The sixth step to be together forever

The seventh step to remain lifelong friends,

The perfect halves to make a perfect whole.

After the seventh step, the bride remains still while the groom says:

With seven steps we become friends
Let me reach your friendship,
Let me not be severed from your friendship,
Let your friendship be not severed from me.

Next, touching the heart of the bride, the groom says,

I hold your heart in serving fellowship,
Your mind follows my mind,
In my word you rejoice with all your heart,
You are joined to me by the Lord of all creatures.

The couple then departs from the wedding site, the bride following the groom to his house, or rather the house of his parents. When they leave, they carry in an earthen pot a part of the sacred fire, which they are supposed to keep alive throughout their marriage. Fire thus becomes the constant witness in the lives of the couple. When the couple reaches the house of the groom, he says,

Enter with your right foot,
Do not remain outside.

There the couple sits in silence till dusk falls and the stars become visible. The couple then goes out when the husband points the pole star to the wife, saying,

You are firm, and I see you.
Be firm with me, O flourishing one!
Brihaspathi has given you to me,
To live with me a hundred years,
Bearing children by me, your husband.